Love, Mommy 

After 11 days of waiting past my due date, we welcomed our newest blessing in to the family!! Baby #6 arrived on 10-1-10 at 3:46 PM.  Like his brother Lincy, the midwives were convinced that he just had not grown enough and was not yet ready to be born.  Well our new sweet boy may have been comfy in his tiny environment but if he waited any longer, he would have surpassed Lincy’s birthweight (11lb, 2oz) for sure! Baby #6 weighed in at 10lb, 11oz. and was 22 inches long.  A big healthy boy just like his bro!  And, he looks just like his big bro Hendrix when Hendrix was born.  

We brought our sweet boy home later the same evening but without a name.  And, he remained unnamed until 5 days later!  This is what happens when our other children are old enough to have their strong opinions and demand their input.  We have had him for 1 week and we are all enjoying our new treasure. Bella is a bit unsure about another baby in mommy’s arms all the time but she is certainly strong enough to maintain her reign in the house!

We lovingly introduce Lincy’s baby brother:

Maxwell Jude

Born 10-1-10

10 lb, 11 oz.

22 inches

P.S.  Our oldest baby celebrated her 11th birthday on 9/28!! Gracyn was thrilled that she does not have to share her birthday with her baby brother though I thought it would have been quite interesting to have had our first and last on the same day.  Maxwell must have wanted his own birthday too and even his own birth month!

http://www.lovehopestrength.org/site/jim-womeldorph/

Our family continues to love and grow!  Sweet Bella is a year old already and SO amazing…yet destructive in ways none of our other children have been.  I think she knows she can pretty much get away with anything since she has each and every one of us wrapped around her little fingers.  I see Lincy in her face and in her eyes and it warms my heart to know with certainly that he surely is her personal angel.  OH, and BTW, she has enough hair for the both of them….it is kinda crazy how much curly hair this baby has.  Those who get to personally see and enjoy her know what I am talking about.  

When I say our family continues to grow, I truly mean that.  Surprisingly, we learned that we are expecting one more baby…..due in September.  This was a HUGE surprise but with all that we have been dealt, this blessing we take with thankful anticipation and hope.  And, it is a BOY which our children are incredibly thrilled about, especially Hendrix who said that we had to send it back if it was another girl!  The funniest thing was that when H found out it was a boy, he also asked if it was his twin:)  Someday he will realize that having a brother 6 years younger than him will not be what he expected when the little guy gets into all his “stuff.”

We continue to pray for the children who have survived this awful disease.  And, we cry for those who have lost and others on the verge of losing their children.  It is ever a roller coaster that sometimes slows down but is guaranteed to rev back up again and NEVER lets us off.

Much Love,

Carlina and gang

I have no great optimistic things to write today, no words of encouragement, nothing to make you think that I have found the silver lining.  Today, I am angry and sad.  I have earned it. I will share this short story below though.  My heart aches (and others too), but I know Lincy is free, happy, radiating!

In the bottom of an old pond lives some grubs who could not understand why none of their groups ever came back after crawling up the stems of the lilies to the top of the water.  They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urge, an impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him into a dragonfly with beautiful wings.  In vain he tried to keep his promise.  Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below.  Then he realized that even if they could see him, they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.

The fact we cannot see our loves ones or communicate with them after the transformation, which we call death, is no proof that they cease to exist.

- Walter Dudley Cavert

I have no great optimistic things to write today, no words of encouragement, nothing to make you think that I have found the silver lining.  Today, I am angry and sad.  I have earned it. I will share this short story below though.  My heart aches (and others too), but I know Lincy is free, happy, radiating!

In the bottom of an old pond lives some grubs who could not understand why none of their groups ever came back after crawling up the stems of the lilies to the top of the water.  They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urge, an impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him into a dragonfly with beautiful wings.  In vain he tried to keep his promise.  Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below.  Then he realized that even if they could see him, they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.

The fact we cannot see our loves ones or communicate with them after the transformation, which we call death, is no proof that they cease to exist.

- Walter Dudley Cavert

Today would have been Lincoln’s 3rd Birthday. For me, this day starts a season of time where the scab of the never to heal wound of no longer having my son seems to be ripped off often, leaving me painfully raw. This time of year is such a roller coaster ride and I have realized that I have to just hang on for the experience. The memories of my sweet boy are so vivid and profound that I can feel his presence more than during other times of the year. Yet, as comforting as that is, I am reminded that as life continues for all of us, he is not present to create new memories. I continuously struggle to find balance as I dance clumsily through the holidays. I’ve decided that going with “it” whatever “it” is at the moment is the best approach. I set no expectations. Lincy enjoyed his life, always smiling throughout experiences that others would find horrific. So, although his death continues to give me great pain, I choose to carry on the way Lincy would have and the way he would have wanted me to be as his mommy.

Today, I will go to Lincy’s grave and hang a wind chime in the tree that shades his resting place. Maybe I can find one with cardinals.

Lincy, mommy loves you SO Big!!

Blowing tons of sweet kisses to heaven today! Please join me.

XOXO,

Carlina

That day I clung to Jim and to the words of Jer 29:11:

I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I was certain that this was God’s plan for Lincy.  I still wonder how it is that he is not here with us today. I spontaneously wept today which has occurred less and less over time.  I had such a strong feeling of sadness that I looked back through this journal to confirm that this was indeed the day of Lincy’s 12 hour surgery.  I ask myself “why did he have to go through all that only to leave this this world just 4 months later?”  I want to hold him in my arms SO SO Badly.  I want him to be here to touch and interact with his sweet sister Bella.  I want to believe that he is in her and that I indeed am holding a part of him in my arms everyday.  still.  

Bella was 4 months old yesterday.  She brings to us incredible joy.  She belongs with and completes our family.  But, my how fast she is growing.  They all grow far too fast.  And for Bella, her hair is growing fast too.  I mean she was born with a lot of hair.  But now, it just keeps growing and even gets into her mouth.  I swear she has enough to cover the heads of 2 sweet baldies… Lincy and Lia. Bella Lia is perfect in every way!!

To my dearest Lincy.  Mommy misses you SO SO big!! 

Happy Mother’s Day ….to me.  I am a new mother once again.  Lincoln’s sister was born on April 28, 2009 in the very same room that Lincoln was born with the very same people (plus  the big sisters and gigi).  Bella Lia was born 5 days after her due date and weighed 9lb 8.5 oz. and was 20.5 inches long.  Like Lincy, she was stubborn and waited days past her due date but also like Lincy, when she was ready to come, her birth was very quick.  The joy that filled that room was incredible and surprising.  It was joy I thought I would not experience again; that my family would not experience again.  Lincy was there with us.  I know it. 

Ironically, Bella’s Birthday is just 1 day after the 1 year “angel-versary” of Lincy’s best friend Lia who also lost her fight to Rhabdomyosarcoma.  All part of a planned tapestry that has us simply “along for the ride.”  Our sweet Bella Lia has 2 angels to walk along each side of her.

I posted 2 photos here (caringbridge only as I still do not know how to post photos at the lincylinc blog).  If you would like to see the Birthday photo album, please send an email to carlinatx@gmail.com and I will forward the link.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s who had to say goodbye to a child far too soon.  May you somehow find comfort in the memories and continued spirit that your child left behind.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom.  I love you mom.  Thanks for being my mom.  Thanks for raising me to be the Mommy that I am.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms.  May you find your job as fulfilling and rewarding as I do.  It is the hardest yet best job in the world!

With continued Hope,

Carlina aka “Mommy”